- (I’m running errands for my pregnant wife. While walking to a nearby store, I see two teenagers harassing a child that is only four or five years old. I shoo them away from the boy, and he introduces himself.)
- Me: “So, where’s your mom at?”
- Boy: “She’s in the store. Do you have kids?”
- Me: “Not yet. We’re expecting a baby girl soon, though.”
- Boy: “Well, she’s going to turn out nice, like you! So, I’m going to marry her someday!”
- (I laugh, and play along while I bring him to the service desk, and wait until his mom picks him up. Six years later, my daughter comes home from school and introduces us to a friend that defended her against a bully on the playground. I didn’t recognize him, but he certainly knew who I was!)
so this morning my dad said
“hey we got some tomatos”
and i walk into the kITCHEN AND THE ENTIRE TABLE WAS COMPLETELY COVERED IN TOMATOS LIKE DAD THAT IS NOT SOME TOMATOS THAT IS A FUCKLOAD OF TOMATOS
WHRE DID YOU EVEN GET ALL OF THESE TOMATOS
JUST IN CASE YOU FUCKERS THOUGH TI WAS JOKING
friendly reminder that after each passing day you are closer to finding your soulmate
and your grave
and eating your next pizza
this sums up all of tumblr
… He is making some very good points.
I’m going to start calling cow’s four legged boobs.
oh ryan
i hate when people say “tanks” instead of “thanks” like youre only expressing gratitude to me with 5/6 effort thats rude
Hahahaha i get it bc 6 letters in thanks but 5 in tanks i feel you
im betting u passed algebra with those math skills
I love how much we all love everything about Harry Potter.
Like this is a gif of Harry untying his shoe, and we’re all like FUCK YEAH HARRY UNTYING HIS SHOE CHECK OUT HIS SHOE-TAKING-OFF SKILLZ YOU GO BOY!
it has literally gotten to the point that this fandom needs new material so bad that we are all reblogging a picture of harry untying his shoe
he’s not even using magic or anything
Fact: I’ve been postponing this for like.. over a year now.
oh mY GOD I JUST RECOGNISED THE SONG
